Twitter Fiction & Short Shorts

@jacbateman


Honorable Mention in Nanoism Haiti Contest, 2012

There was time.
She grabbed her bag, phoned in the car. 'You still in Departures? Wait for me.'
She'd give him another chance - for Hawaii.


Published by Escarp, 2010


The fire left a stench of smoldering flesh.
He'd raged inside, an animal, my love.
The door was nailed solid. I knew; I did it.


Honorable Mention in Nanoism Haiti Contest, 2010

He grabs her under the palapa, all hands and hot breath.
Maria will run tonight, after.
Empty bottles; a blouse ripped for the last time.


Published by Monkey Bicycle, 2010
One-Sentence Stories

Retribution


My wretched dog limps on the dirty snow while Ivan kicks him in the rib cage (one more for luck, he says), until I realise that it’s my turn again; as Ivan lunges, I grip the ice axe tight (for luck) and hope I can make up for all the torn blouses, the rough times.


A Midsummer Night's Dream
Published by Feathertale, 2010 (Runner-up in the Twittering Bard Contest)
Write a Shakespeare Play in Tweets..

Act I

Lysander @ Hermia: I fancy your rocks off. xoxo
Hermia @ Lysander: And I you. Let us copul8 forthwith.
Helena @ Demetrius: I want your lv truncheon anon, you sxy beast.
Demetrius @ Helena: I am currently out of the office.
Demetrius @ Hermia: Let me present my lv truncheon forthwith. Lysander is as gay as a lord.
Egeus @ Hermia: This is yr father. Stop Tweeting Lysander. You will wed Demetrius or I’ll banish you to the nunnery.
Thesius @ Hermia: This is the Duke. You will marry Demetrius or this be you, btch. http://bit.ly/bBxv5n
Hermia @ Lysander: Shit, meet me in forest, they’re all trying to marry me off to D. Let’s elope and swap spit asunder.

Act II

Oberon @ Puck: Bring magic lv drops anon to sprinkle on Queeny’s eyelids. I want her to lv her adopted son (ugly b’strd)
Puck @ Oberon: Yes yr H’ness.  When Tit. awakes she’ll lv the first person she sees: yr beloved heir.
Oberon @ Puck: Psss, put some lv drops on Demetrius too. I want him to fancy Helena back. It’d make the poor lass’s day, silly btch.
Puck @ Oberon: Oops. Lv drops on Lysander by accdt. Now HE wants Helena on her back, the lucky slag.

Act III

Bottom @ Puck: What the f is going on? Who’s all the homeys in the forest?
Puck @ Bottom: F knows, but I’m turning your head into a donkey for the crack.
Bottom @ Puck: Thanks a f’ing lot, b’stard. I’ve a play to perform in.
Puck @ Bottom: You’re called Bottom, ha ha ha!
Bottom @ Puck: Methinks it backfired on you. Queeny saw ME first when she awoke and now thinks I’m Lord of the Dongs.
Queen Titania @ Bottom: I lv u. We’re on like donkey kong.

Act IV

Puck @ Everyone: T’was all a dream, suckers. You actually think lv drops exist? Just boff whoever you like. Gd Night.



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